Familiar thoughts on my brain tonight as I battle the uncontrolled rage that often precedes the creeping numbness of depression. Better to exhaust the repetitive thoughts here than to annoy my family and friends with them.Without further ado… People of unhealthy relationships.
When you spend your whole life chasing relationships with people, you let yourself be used. As the only person pursuing the relationship, you have put the other person in a place of dominance over you and your emotional well being.
Now some people you chase are mostly harmless and they simply don’t respond to your attentions. Each text, call, or message to the recipient of your attentions that lacks a response pushes you deeper into denial. You either feel the keen sting of rejection and back off or you continue to fawn over them in the hopes that one day they may feel similarly about you. You are blinded by hope and don’t see that they most likely won’t ever care that much. You are wasting your precious time, energy, and emotions on the equivalent of a lifeless rock, but you feel as though you are just on the cusp of winning them over and you continue to pursue your unresponsive recipient.
Others, well they are what I think of as emotional vampires. Such emotion-suckers allow you to get close to them and seduce you with a dash of pleasantries and a heaping spoonful of nonchalance which of course you ignore as you are hoping for the best. Before you know it, you are emotionally sucked dry. They leave you as a dried out husk of who you were before and they move on, not caring about anyone but themselves. You attempt to reconcile yourself with their actions by making excuses for them and thus end up the willing victim in a repetitive cycle of abuse that can go on for years.
Then there is you, a person so desperate for acceptance, love, and relationship that you go above and beyond what the average healthy person would do to have such joys in your life. For whatever reason, you allow yourself to be manipulated, rejected, and used time and time again. In the hopes that something good will eventually come out of these bad situations and toxic people who you cling to, you slowly degrade yourself to something less than you are. You go from being a free willed human with the potential for growth to a creature whose present and future life is ruled by the whims of those around you.
When you stop chasing these types of people and regrow your backbone, you realize they could care less if you are around. They never cared enough to call, meet up, or even send a quick text of their own volition. They simply responded or didn’t to what you laid at their feet time after time. They didn’t have to work for anything while they made you toil for their love and respect. This realization opens up a whole new plethora of hurdles. Do you confront the person and risk their wrath? Do you let things go on as they have and continue to chase your false hope? Do you quickly and quietly cut them out of your life? And then if you do that are you moving on and trying to have healthy relationships or are you pining away for those who don’t have the time of day for you?
Which brings me to… Eighty-Four Hours
Assuming the average person is awake for twelve hours a day, that means there are Eighty-Four waking hours in a week to get all you need and want to finish, finished. People often say that they have no time for this or that. But when they truly care about something/someone they make it a priority to devote a portion of their eighty-four hours to that thing/person. Whether it is a few hours or just a few seconds, they will indeed find the time. Otherwise they would have no enjoyment out of life at all.They have many chances to pursue a hobby or connect with the people who they care about/care about them. If they aren’t interested in participating in an activity, they simply say that they don’t want too. So if they don’t want to participate in a relationship then why don’t they just say so?
It is truly that simple.
It only takes a minute of their eighty-four hours to stop leading someone on. To free someone from being invested in a relationship with someone who isn’t interested. If a person is interested in a relationship, that is also something to take a minute to say, let the people you care about know what you intentions are for the relationship, what do you want it to look like? What do you need from them and what do you want to be for them. Then there is no wondering, no loose ends, no misunderstandings. If a person says how they feel and gets not response, its time to dump the emotional baggage and move on. That person’s inability to see how much you are worth is not a reflection of your personal value, which is great, I know. If there is a positive response to the declarations and questions then congratulations! A line of communication has now been opened which is the first step to a healthy relationship of any kind.
Let it not be forgotten that if you are in a relationship or pseudo-relationship, you have the choice and the right to say, “No, this is not okay. I deserve better.” and walk away. I’m not saying its easy or can happen right that second, because we all know its hard as fuck and can take some time to separate yourself physically and/or emotionally from another person who has that kind of hold on you. But you are worth it and will come out the other end stronger, more confident, and more you than you’ve been in a long time and that there are resources out there to help you.